


Disastrous Date

by vlaplomb



Series: Will is Uncomfortable [4]
Category: Purple Hyacinth (Webcomic)
Genre: Comedy, Crack, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Funny, Innuendo, Kar kisses, Kieran and Will are the best bromance, Lauren is the tired mom friend, Master Seduction 101, Will is still uncomfortable, a healthy amount, no closets this time, now I guess we know what Will and Kieran discussed in the closet, or break room tables, season 2 is killing me already, the end was almost too fluffy for me to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:54:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25271212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vlaplomb/pseuds/vlaplomb
Summary: The main four go on a double date.  Will fails Master Seduction 101 - or does he?  Everyone but Kym fails the vibe check.
Relationships: Belladona Davenport/Tim Sake, Kym Ladell & Kieran White, Kym Ladell & Lauren Sinclair, Lauren Sinclair/Kieran White, William Hawkes & Kieran White, William Hawkes & Lauren Sinclair, William Hawkes/Kym Ladell
Series: Will is Uncomfortable [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1815844
Comments: 46
Kudos: 107





	1. Witty Wingman

**Author's Note:**

> Season 2: *exists*  
> Me: *slowly turns back to this fluffy and unrealistic season 2 au*
> 
> Many thanks to livbean once again for beta reading <3

Locking the front door, Kym turned to face the street. A slate hued sedan sat idling at the curb, puffing a steady stream of tumbling ashen exhaust. With a tilt of her hat and a readjustment of her purse, she strode up to the car, placing a hand on the frigid passenger door.

“APD, open up,” she said, grinning.

Will stood from the street side of the car, tossing her a smile. Kym clapped her gloved hands together. “What service! Why be a police officer when you would make for such a _dashing_ chauffeur?” 

He only smiled, opening the passenger door for her. Kym raised an eyebrow at him. “Scythe got your tongue? What’s all this - are you still embarrassed from the other day?” At this, a tinge of pink crossed his face, reassuring Kym that the man was, indeed, alive. She wordlessly took her seat in the car, wincing slightly as the slam of the door reverberated in the vehicle. Will slid into the driver’s seat, casually slinging an arm behind Kym’s headrest.

“Good evening, darling,” he said, buckling his seat belt. “Are you ready for our date?”

“Interesting nickname, _Willame_ , but you aren’t getting a new one.” Kym fastened her own seatbelt, leaning back with a sigh. “Nice work developing a cover, though.”

Will frowned, looking Kym up and down. “You look impeccable, darling.” Seemingly out of thin air - though Kym assumed likely from the driver’s door compartment - Will produced a bursting bouquet of delicate yellow flowers.

Kym took them from him gingerly. “Thank...you?” _Will is certainly acting strange_. “I love yellow.” 

“They’re primroses. They mean…never mind.” Turning away from her, his eyes wandered to the other side of the street. “I forget,” he said quietly. His hands tightened around the steering wheel as he fixed his gaze on the road ahead. Sighing, he dropped his hands to his lap, delving one into his pocket.

“What are you doing?” Kym asked.

“I just wanted to show you this,” Will said, pulling something shiny out of his pocket. “I got a new knife!”

“Why on earth would you bring a cooking knife with you on a double date at a cafe?”

He looked down at the blade, dumbfounded. “Isn’t this what he said-”

“What _who_ said?”

“No one! Everything is fine, darling, let’s be on our way.” Will sheathed the knife, trying to drop it back into his pocket. The handle of the knife caught on a slip of paper, dragging it out and leaving it to flutter down to the pedals.

“You dropped this,” Kym said, reaching down into the footwell to pick it up. She flipped it over.

“Don’t read-”

She did.

“Kieran White’s Tips for Master Seduction:  
1\. Call the lady ‘darling’  
2\. Carry a knife, show it off  
3\. Use fancy words to compliment her  
4\. Give her flowers - know their symbolism  
5\. Countertop.”

Kym looked up at Will in bewilderment. “Really?” she asked, slightly amused.

“I don’t know what the last one means,” he said hurriedly.

Kym masked her chuckle with a cough. “You don’t need to.”

“I thought it would help- with our cover-”

Kym could see right through his words of flimsy plastic to his flushed face and horrified eyes. She needed to set Lauren’s lie detection skills loose on him later. “Sure,” she said, turning the paper over in her hands. “When did you two have the time to do this?”

“Well, you know how Lauren locked Kieran and me in the closet?”

“Yes?”

“Kieran wanted to lend me some help, I suppose.”

Smirking, Kym eyed the list again. “Hand me a pen, would you?”

William reached over her into the glove compartment, fishing out a writing utensil for her. Slightly flustered, she took it. He cocked his head. “What are you doing?”

“Fixing it.” In two sweeping motions, she crossed out all of Kieran’s “Master Seduction” tips with a harsh X.

“What? I need those!”

Kym ignored him, flipping the memo sheet over and pressing it against the dashboard. As she wrote, Will read over her shoulder.

“William Hawkes’s Tips for Master Seduction:  
1\. Be really boring and dorky  
2\. Play piano  
3\. Have cooking skills  
4\. Care for your subordinates.”

After considering it for a second, Kym wisely chose not to add “closet” to the bottom of the list, but rather to finish it off with “carpool when she doesn’t want to drive.” With a flick of her wrist, she handed over the new and improved list. Will read over it again, gaping at her.

“Did I- did I seduce you?”

Kym smacked her forehead. “You know what, if you forget that I essentially just listed off 5 of your attractive attributes, then I’ll forget that you were trying to seduce me in the first place - using Kieran’s advice, no less.”

“You have a deal, Sergeant.”

“Now that’s more like it. If I ever hear you say darling again, expect to be slapped into the next precinct.”

Will pocketed the list as Kym clicked the pen shut and stowed it away in the glovebox. She clasped her hands in her lap, waiting for the car to start and for Will to pull away from the curb. He didn’t.

She glanced toward him, meeting his eyes. He turned away quickly. “So...about the kiss…” he started, trailing off.

“It’s fine. We had a cover to protect. That’s what professionals do.”

“Are we...going to pretend it never happened?”

Kym bit her lip, staring out the window at her sorry excuse for a lawn. That was the last thing she wanted.

She resented the fact that she wished he would pull her across the center console of the car and kiss her again - no cover, no nosy coworkers, no joking around. And not in a closet, for goodness’ sake. Just them. Just for themselves.

“Yes.” Kym dug her fingertips into her chin where it rested in her hand. The word crystallized against the window of the car as soon as it left her lips. “Let’s.” 

The engine hummed, coloring in the silence in the car as they pulled out into the streets of Ardhalis, ready to take on their fake date as a fake couple.

* * *

Kym stared out the car window as Will parallel-parked the car outside the cafe, watching two darkly dressed figures strolling up the sidewalk - a taller, broader figure with a shorter, feminine one. The man whispered something to his companion, who appeared to laugh at the words as they graced her ear. Kym squinted, trying to distinguish the faces beneath their excessive clothing. Both of them donned low-sitting hats and heavy scarves which piled around their faces and masked their mouths.

The laughing figure tilted her head up toward the sky, allowing her golden eyes to step out into the evening sunlight. _Lauren _. The taller person walking with her had to be Kieran. “Look, they’re here!” Kym exclaimed, breaking the silence that had plagued the car since they left her house.__

____

He glanced over to the sidewalk at them. “Right on time,” he said, turning the ignition key. The car sputtered to a stop. “Are you ready?”

____

Kym swiped a joking hand over her face, miming flipping a switch. “William Hawkes’s girlfriend, initiated.” The pair shared a knowing smile, stepping out of the car. “Lauren! Kieran!” she called out.

____

Both figures spun around. “Kym, Will, it’s nice to see you!” Lauren said, her eyes smiling beneath her hat. “You look lovely, Kym.”

____

“You look...warm,” Kym said, soliciting an eye roll from Lauren. “Sorry! I’m curious, though: aren’t you too hot under all of that getup? I know it’s February, but-”

____

“I’m fine.” Lauren cast an unreadable glance towards Kieran. “We get cold easily.” He nodded feverishly, tugging at his scarf. 

____

“Well, if that’s the case, then let’s all go inside and warm up!” Will said, taking Kym’s arm lightly. She jumped at the sudden contact. “I don’t see many other people out here - I bet all of your coworkers are inside, Kieran.” 

____

“Yes, I do believe they are.” Kym and Will stepped to the side, allowing Kieran and Lauren to pass and walk through the door first. Upon entering, they both seemed to scan the cafe in unison. Strange.

____

“This way,” Lauren said, pointing to an empty table. They weaved their way through crowded tables of people chatting and drinking coffee.

____

“Where are your coworkers?” Kym asked, taking a look around. There were far too many people there - she couldn’t pick out anyone from the crowd who looked like they could be Kieran’s “coworkers”. “What business are you into anyway?”

____

“Oh, just more legal stuff, you know,” Kieran said, removing his coat and hanging it on the back of a chair. “I’m not sure where my coworkers are; Lauren and I just picked this table because it’s our favorite spot.” The pair exchanged a smile as Kieran helped Lauren out of her coat. Kieran shot a look over to Will, who promptly shrugged off his coat and reached over to help Kym with hers.

____

“I’m perfectly capable of taking off my coat on my own, _Willame_.” Will stepped backwards, setting his coat on the chair across from Kieran. She pulled her jacket up over her shoulders, promptly getting her left arm stuck in its sleeve. In her peripheral, she could just make out Kieran biting back a laugh as Lauren glared at him. “Ok, fine, help me please before I die in this coat.”

____

Freed from her jacket, she sat down to face Lauren, who had still not removed her hat but had done away with the scarf covering her face. It was nice to see her friend’s smile.

____

All too soon, Lauren’s lips dipped into a frown. “What are you two talking about?” she asked, eyeing Kieran and Will as they mouthed angry phrases at each other across the table.

____

“Nothing!” Will said, tearing his gaze away from Kieran’s. “Nothing at all.”

____

“Really.” Kym’s dead stare bore straight into his soul. “Is that so, _darling_? It seemed pretty intense.”

____

Now it was Kieran’s turn to stare into Will’s soul. “You’re an idiot.”

____

“I’m an idiot for listening to you,” Will shot back.

____

“Does anyone want to kindly let me know what’s going on?” Lauren asked.

____

“I gave Will some tips on getting the ladies,” Kieran said.

____

“Oh, of course, because you’re an expert.”

____

He winked. “Indeed I am. I have you, don’t I?”

____

“Debatable,” Lauren muttered, just loudly enough for Kieran - and Kym, of course, as the resident master eavesdropper - to hear. 

____

“Say, Will, do you have the list on you?” Kieran asked.

____

“No,” Will and Kym replied simultaneously. Kym caught Will’s eye as her face warmed at the thought of her list, then darting over to Lauren’s eyes just in time to see her wipe an expression of disbelief off her face.

____

It was just so _lovely_ having a polygraph for a friend, but at least Lauren knew when to shut up - unlike some people.

____

Kym watched as Kieran shot a glance over his shoulder, his line of sight jumping frantically between tables. He placed a casual, yet uneasy arm around Lauren, drawing her towards him. Lauren’s eyebrows tilted upwards, surprise etched onto her face, but she leaned into him still.

____

_Thank goodness those two made up._

____

Kym surveyed the table. A pristine white tablecloth rested over the table like a fine blanket of snow, making the bright centerpieces teeming with carnations on the table pop. They shone a dark pink, almost red, like fresh raspberries growing in a desolate winter. Clearing her throat, she took a shiny menu off the table, flipping through.

____

“Can I get you anything to drink?” a waitress said, materializing at Kym and Lauren’s side of the table. Kieran buried his face in his menu.

____

“The drinks are on the back page,” Kym informed him. He didn’t look up.

____

“Could we start with just iced tap water all around the table?” Lauren asked. The waitress nodded, jotting it down in her memopad. “Also, do you have decaf?”

____

“Yes, ma’am.”

____

“Do any of you want coffee?” Lauren glanced at them. Will nodded. “Two decafs, please.” 

____

“I’ll be right out with that,” the waitress said, bustling back behind the counter. Lauren busied herself perusing the menu, as Kieran continued to do the same. Kym and Will exchanged a glance, continuing to aimlessly flip through the food choices.

____

“Here are your waters,” the waitress said, returning with four tall, frosty glasses. Kym smiled at her, but was met with a frown. As she walked away, Kieran set down his menu to take a sip of water. _Finally_ , Kym thought. She was growing weary of his slight shadiness.

____

“So, what do you think you’re going to get to eat...Melon?” Will said slowly, as if trying out the words for the first time.

____

Kym swallowed. “Yes, if they have it, then probably.”

____

“No, I was calling you ‘Melon’.”

____

“And I was saving you from embarrassment… _Seed._ ”

____

Kieran began inexplicably choking on his water across the table. Lauren hurriedly moved to pat him on the back, although each blow became more forceful until she was full-on smacking him. “Lauren,” Kym started, hesitating, “I think you’re hurting him.”

____

“Oh, he’s okay,” Lauren said cheerily. “Believe me, I’ve seen him in pain.”

____

“Oh~”

____

Lauren cut her off with a pointed sigh, relenting with her plight to save Kieran from choking. He turned back to his menu, eyes watering. Kym was astonished by the fact that they hadn’t attracted any attention from anyone else in the cafe - yet.

____

The waitress returned, Will’s and Lauren’s coffees in hand. “What can I get you to eat this evening?” she asked, propping open her notepad.

____

“I would love a blueberry scone, please, and my date here would like a slice of cherry cheesecake,” Lauren said.

____

“What do you want?” Will hissed.

____

“I don’t know, whatever you’re having.”

____

“And you two?” the waitress asked.

____

“Yes?” Will and the waitress looked at each other expectantly. “Oh! Um, we would like two slices of your watermelon cake, please.”

____

Jotting down their requests, the waitress left them alone again. “I didn’t know you liked watermelon too!” Kym said, gaping at him.

____

“You like it.” Her stomach fluttered.

____

She couldn’t take it to heart, though - they had a cover to uphold. He was just doing his job. “So, Lauren and Kieran,” Kym began, taking a sip of water, “what are your plans for the remainder of this evening?”

____

Kieran looked up from his menu for the first time in a while to smirk at Lauren. “Well, I suppose we might head back to my place. What do you say, darling?” The table rattled, and Kym watched Kieran recoil in pain. “Ok fine, footsies is fine-”

____

Pressing her lips into a thin line, Lauren shook her head innocently. “I think you’re forgetting that we intend to stay after Kym and Will leave to speak with some of your _coworkers_.”

____

“That sounds awfully nice, but you two feel free to go mingle now. Kym and I will be just fine over here,” Will said, leaning back in his seat. Kym nodded vehemently.

____

“No,” Kieran said, somewhat forcefully. Lauren’s fingers dug into his sleeve. “I mean, no, you both are fine. We can talk to my coworkers later, but for now, we want to hear all about your relationship!”

____

“Indeed we do. We don’t get to talk much at the office anymore, so I guess I was slightly surprised to find you two-” Lauren coughed- “um, I mean it’s been clear to me for months now that you two would get together eventually, but you both are so stubborn, I didn’t expect it to be so soon.”

____

Kym glanced off to the side, trying to barricade a wave of heat flooding her cheeks. “Well, you two certainly seemed to make up quickly as well,” she said, deflecting Lauren’s comment. “When did that happen?”

____

Will, who had just taken a sip from his coffee, began sputtering. “Oh, I get to do this now?” Kym asked cheerfully, whacking Will on the back with a relishing grin. The blush crossing Lauren’s face or the guilty smirk etched on Kieran’s didn’t slip by her. “Will, I get the feeling you know something I don’t.” He stopped hacking, shaking his head.

____

“So who confessed first?” Lauren asked, brushing nonexistent dust off the table.

____

Kym and Will exchanged a glance. “I did,” Will blurted out. Lauren raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t I?”

____

“Maybe neither of us confessed!” Kym laughed. “It just kind of...happened, you know?”

____

“In the closet,” Kieran added. Everyone at the table glared at him. “What? I-”

____

“On a table in the breakroom,” Will said pointedly. Both Kieran and Lauren gulped.

____

“I haven’t the faintest idea what’s going on.” Kym uncrossed her arms, which she hadn’t realized were crossed, and began removing sugar and butter packets from the center of the table to erect some sort of structure. “So let’s talk about something else, shall we?”

____

“Well, if it isn’t Kieran White!” a feminine voice said.

____

“Belladona. Fancy seeing you here.”

____

Kym swiveled to face a tall, gorgeous woman with carefully curled pink hair and piercing red eyes. _So Kieran works with people like her?_ Behind her stood a man with closely cropped hair and a crimson birthmark swiping across his face. Lauren’s shoulders tensed visibly at the sight of them.

____

_Sake._

____

“Well, I recognize you!” Belladona stepped towards Lauren, settling a hand on her shoulder. “Aren’t you a cop?”

____

“I am,” Lauren said, her voice wavering. Kieran placed an arm over her shoulder, knocking Belladona’s hand off in the process.

____

She simpered, eyeing the two of them. “What are you doing with a man like him?”

____

Kieran and Lauren’s eyes widened simultaneously. _What is up with these people?_ Kym thought, glancing between them.

____

Then she realized.

____

“You know what, they’re happy together!” Kym said, re-crossing her arms. “So leave them alone, would you, instead of being such a witchy ex.”

____

Lauren bit her lip and looked down at her lap as Belladona cackled. “Well then, I suppose you’ve figured me out!”

____

“Look, Belladona, I’m trying to have a nice time here with my girlfriend and her friends from work,” Kieran said.

____

She raised an eyebrow. “Ah, so you’re police officers too,” she said, nodding towards Kym and Will. “I really didn’t expect that from you, Kieran.” 

____

"Some company _you_ got there!" Kym said cheerfully, eyeing Sake. _He has to be at least a bit older than her_. "I understand why you came here now!"

____

"Oh?"

____

"To make Kieran jealous of your new sugar daddy, of course!"

____

Kieran hid his snickering behind his menu, although Kym didn't understand what he found most hilarious - her comment, or the fact that Will was changing shades of red and purple faster and brighter than a blinking Christmas tree. For her, it was most definitely the latter. She turned to him, delivering a lightweight pat to his knee. "It's ok, Seedling, she's legal." He swayed slightly, and Kym thrust out an arm almost instinctively to prevent him from hitting his head when he would inevitably faint. Fortunately, he righted himself, taking a sip of coffee.

____

Kieran's Adam’s apple bobbed slightly. “Why _are_ you here?”

____

“For a meeting.” Belladona stole another glance towards Kym and Will. “For a second, I thought you had somehow found out about our meeting - but now I realize, you just happened to come here for dinner with your friends at the same time! What a coincidence.”

____

Something cold brushed against Kym’s fingers. She jumped, turning to Will, who kept his head downcast to stare sheepishly at the table.

____

Looking away, she took his hand, squeezing it beneath the tabletop.

____

“Well, if you have the chance, do drop by and have a chat with us. I’m sure everyone would _love_ to see you, _Flower Boy_.” Will’s hand tensed as Belladona leaned down to Kieran's face, hand resting lightly on his shoulder. Even Kym's eavesdropping skills failed to decipher whatever Belladona whispered to him, but Kieran's flashing eyes said it all.

____

Whatever Belladona had uttered left him extremely confused - and angry. _She must have said something bad about Lauren_ , Kym thought. _Or maybe even something about Lune_.

____

Belladona righted herself. “And listen, love,” she said, meeting Lauren’s gaze, “he isn’t who he seems.” With that, she sashayed over to the other side of the room, with Sake towing behind closely.

____

“Well, then.” Kym chuckled. “Jealous much?” Her companions ignored her, deep in thought. She swallowed hard, gripping Will’s hand in a deadly hold.

____

There was no way Belladona was just some ex of Kieran’s. _A coincidence? Really?_ Kym thought. Clearly, this meeting was supposed to be a secret - Kieran was never invited, nor was Lauren. With the way both of them kept surveying the room, it was clear that they were both well-aware of that. Only one explanation prevailed in Kym’s mind.

____

Kieran was pretending to work with Belladona and Sake as a means of spying on them. Above all, Lauren _knew_.

____

There was no doubt in Kym’s mind: Lauren and Kieran had to be Lune.

____

Will released a muffled groan beside her. “Oh, sorry,” she said, unclenching her hand from around his. He flexed it, working out the probable cyst that Kym had inflicted on him. Clearing her throat, Kym stood.

____

“I need to go use the restroom. Will, would you mind accompanying me?” Kym asked.

____

“Not a closet, this time? I must say, the restroom is a bit of a downgrade,” Kieran said, smirking. The light didn’t quite reach his aquamarine eyes.

____

Kym scoffed. “No, I just don’t want to get mugged alone while on my way to the restroom.” Lauren’s startled gaze shot up to meet Kym’s, who winked back at her. “I’ll let you two talk a minute.”

____

Mouthing a "thank you", Lauren turned back to Kieran and the two began whispering again. Kym eyed them as she and Will retreated to the hallway housing the restrooms.

____

“Will, I have to tell you something.” Kym wrung her hands, casting her eyes down to the floor. “I’ve been suspecting it for a while, but tonight I think it’s been confirmed.”

____

“Really? Me too.”

____

“Oh good, I thought I was the only one who noticed.” She inhaled sharply. “Lauren and Kieran are Lune-”

____

“Kieran is the Purple Hyacinth-” Will started simultaneously.

____

Oh - that was not at all what Kym had picked up on. “Wait, what?” Terror seized her as she glanced around the corner. Her eyes caught on Lauren and Kieran, who were engaged in deep conversation once more. “That’s a serious accusation-”

____

“He knew the meanings of the flowers. Belladona made that comment about being shocked he was hanging out with cops in his free time, and how he isn’t who he seems, and - "Flower Boy"? Really? And the whole knife-carrying advice - who tells someone they should carry a knife to appear attractive?”

____

“A serial killer,” Kym breathed.

____

“I mean, look at him, though. Does he look like an archivist to you?" 

____

"Nah, he’s ripped. What archivist has muscles like that?” 

____

Rolling his eyes, Will wrapped his own arms around himself. “Anyway, explain yourself - the whole _Lune_ speculation."

____

“They’re always together. When we entered the cafe today, they were both covering their faces. And it makes sense - Kieran could be pretending to work with Belladona and Sake to get inside information from them. It doesn’t seem like he was actually invited to this meeting.”

____

“Wait- but what if-” Will gulped. “What if Belladona is his real coworker...and the people Kieran is spying on are actually us.”

____

Dread bloomed in Kym’s ribcage. “Oh, no.”

____

“And Lauren,” Will said, looking back towards the table where Kieran and Lauren were seated. “She’s so in love. She has no idea-”

____

Kym reached up and took Will by both of his shoulders. “We have to save her.”

____

In an attempt to appear nonchalant, Kym and Will waltzed out from the hallway arm in arm. As they approached the table, Kym realized that Kieran was no longer seated there.

____

_Perfect._

____

“Lauren!” Kym hissed, taking lengthy strides toward the table. “We need to get out of here!”

____

“What? Why?” she asked, brows knitted.

____

Kym took her friend’s hand gently, leaning closer to her so they wouldn’t be overheard. “Kieran is a very, very dangerous man.”

____

Lauren whipped around to stare Kym in the eyes, hat almost falling off in the process. “What? How- how can you-”

____

“Lauren.” Kym clasped her hand tighter. “Your boyfriend is the Purple Hyacinth.”

____

Her golden eyes met Kym’s with a blank stare.

____

“She’s in shock,” Will said. “Look, Lauren, it’s going to be fine. We just have to leave while he’s not here.”

____

“He isn’t the Purple Hyacinth,” Lauren said, shaking her head adamantly. “He’s an archivist.”

____

“His flower knowledge is uncanny. He told Will to carry a knife in order to impress me. For goodness’s sake, Lauren, his ‘coworker’ Sake got you kicked off the investigation unit!” Kym righted herself, breathing heavily. “Kieran is extremely dangerous. He can and will _kill_ you as soon as he has the information he wants from you - which is why we need to get out of here.”

____

Lauren’s eyes glistened in the dim cafe lighting. “He would- he would never-” She raked her fingers through her hair, glaring down at the table. After a few painful seconds, she looked up. “How did you know?”

____

Kym froze. “Wait, how did _you_ know?”

____

“Remember when I caught the Purple Hyacinth in an alley?”

____

Her eyes widened. “You fell in love with him at first sight and let him go without prosecution?” Will grunted at her side, glancing frantically out the window.

____

“No, I-” she sighed. “I can’t tell you. I’m sorry. But Kieran and I are a team-”

____

“Lune.”

__Kym and Lauren both spun to face Will. He set his jaw, staring pointedly at Lauren._ _

____

She blinked in disbelief. "Wait - how do you-"

____

"It's a long story," Kym said, cutting her off. "We need to go - before _he_ comes back."

____

"Kym, I trust him."

____

Shaking her head, she took her friend's wrist. "Trust _me_. Look." She gestured wildly around the room. "Do you see him now?"

____

"Put your hand down, you'll attract attention." Lauren snatched Kym's arm out of the air, letting her eyes sweep the room. Her eyes filled with emotion that Kym had never seen cross Lauren's face before. Was it betrayal? Fear?

____

Heartbreak?

____

"He left," Kym whispered.

____

"He said he was checking on something for me. He could be in trouble-"

____

"That sounds awfully vague," Will said. "Anyways, I think an _assassin_ of his stature will fare just fine."

____

"I should check on him."

____

"Let's leave and go report his identity to the police department," Will said. "That's the sensible thing to do."

____

"Lune, too?"

____

Will sighed heavily, giving Kym the opportunity to jump in. "No. Kieran will be locked up, and Lune can simply disappear, for all we know."

____

Lauren turned cold eyes on the pair. "No."

____

Kym bit her lip, glancing toward Will. His gaze scanned the room, and Kym followed suit.

____

Belladona and Sake were nowhere to be seen.

____

"If he goes down, so do I," Lauren continued, eyes hardening. "And vice versa."

____

Picking up her purse, she just short of stormed out the door, leaving Kym and Will staring in her wake. Kym turned toward Will, removing her coat from the back of the chair. "Some day, I do hope someone loves me that much."

____

"I-" Will sighed, wringing his hands. "What are you doing?"

____

"Kieran is important to Lauren - that makes him important to me."

____

"This is a bad idea."

____

"What do you mean? It's _perfectly_ safe." She narrowed her eyes at Willame, who was seeming lamer than ever. After all, this was not just Lauren and Kieran they were talking about, but the Lune and the Purple Hyacinth - could they expect anything less than peril?

____

"What should I do? Should I call for police? Should I-"

____

"Stay here and pray that Lauren and I don't end up impaled in some dark alley." Kym shrugged on her coat, taking hasty strides toward the door. Just before her hand touched the doorknob, she turned to face him.

____

"Or," she mouthed across the noisy cafe, "come with me."

____

For the first time, Kym wasn't surprised at all to find Will trailing behind her once more.

____


	2. Alleyway Assault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kym, Will, and Lauren go off to find Kieran...and the double date goes further down the drain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long - I genuinely didn't understand where I was going with it 😂 and it's not fabulous, but it's here. Bear with me :') I hope you enjoy this very late update.

The cold February air slapped Kym in the face the moment she stepped out the door. She shivered, drawing her coat tighter around her. _Is book boy Kieran even worth going after?_ she wondered. Her blood ran cold. _Not book boy._

_The Purple Hyacinth._

_Why should we save him, after all he’s done?_

_“What if they’re apologies?”_

Kym glanced toward Lauren, watching her as she frantically scanned the street for any sign of her assassin. Her fingers raked through her crimson hair, eyes wild and fearful.

Fearful that this man, _this assassin_ , would die. Yet Lauren was obsessed with the delivery of justice. 

_If Kieran were truly a rotten person, Lauren would have walked away from him a long time ago._

So Kym followed her. And Will-

_Why Will? Did he-_

Kym wrung her hands as she paced. Obviously, Lauren was his childhood friend, and he had witnessed _something_ between Lauren and Kieran.

"Will, why did you follow us?"

He looked askance, his cheeks tinged pink with the cold. "I was worried that you would - _that you both_ \- would get hurt, like you said."

"No, no," Kym said, shaking her head. "I meant, what did you see between Kieran and Lauren? How do we know he's safe?"

Will flushed as Lauren whipped around to glare at them. "That- that is not something I am at liberty to share," he said, laughing nervously, "but I think I'll trust Lauren for now."

"Quiet," Lauren whispered, bringing a finger to her lips. "I hear them."

Kym leaned forward, tilting her head to better eavesdrop. Belladona's sultry serpentine voice echoed through the alley. Then Kieran's.

"You did _what_?" he asked angrily.

"Be glad I didn't kill her, _Hyacinth_ ," Belladona replied.

"Keep her out of this." Kieran's voice faltered slightly. "Our business is _our_ business, not hers."

"You think I knocked Lauren out because of you?" Her laugh shattered, splintering across the pavement. "The world doesn't revolve around you, Kieran."

"You got knocked out?" Will whispered. 

Lauren nodded, grimacing. Her hands clenched the corner of the building. "It's my fault," she whispered, staring blankly into the alley. Kym patted her hand.

"Why are you after me now, then?" Kieran asked.

"If I recall, it was _you_ who went after _me_ about what I said in there."

"But the last we met, before I ever knew about what you did to Lauren, we were on good terms."

"That was until I found you spying on us."

"Why would I spy on you?"

"Because, _pet,_ " Belladona spat, "the leader has roped you into finding Lune - and I can assure you, you won't find them here."

Kym eyed the growing paleness spreading across Lauren's clenched knuckles. Even if she had suspected for a while, it still hardly seemed real.

"Believe me, Belladona Davenport, I would never suspect you of being Lune."

"And why is that?" Kym could practically hear her bat her eyelashes. "Is it because of my _undying loyalty_?"

"No," he said, words biting in the crisp winter air. "It's because I already know who Lune is - and she's _far_ more of a woman than you'll ever be."

"Dumbass," Lauren muttered, flushing only slightly. Kym poked her. "What an idiot. I'm going to kill him."

Kym gave Will a knowing glance.

"So...you know _her_?" Belladona asked slyly. "Then why haven't you killed her yet?"

Kieran sighed. "She's too skillful an assassin - I could never catch her."

Lauren stifled a chuckle at his blunt lying with her hand. The movement in the alley stopped.

"Darling, is that you?" Kieran called. "Sorry, I'd really prefer my girlfriend didn't know about all-"

"Darling?" Will asked, a quizzical look crossing him. "So that's-"

"Will," Kym whispered, a scarily calm smile gracing her face, "tHE HELL YOU JUST CALL ME? WHAT DID I TELL YOU?" Lauren winced at the loud sound Kym's hand made when it collided with Will's back.

All five of them - Lauren, Kym, Kieran, Belladona, and Tim - watched as Will stumbled into view.

"What do we have here?" Belladona asked with a saccharine lilt that made Kym's stomach turn. Nodding toward Lauren, she ran out after him.

"Oh my!" she exclaimed, cringing internally. "Sorry, we were just joking around, we'll leave now-"

"Is Lauren okay?" Kieran asked. "Please tell her everything is fine."

"Hello, subordinate." Kym swiveled to see that Lauren had stepped out of the shadows, bearing a look that could have speared Kieran right through his chest.

"Salutations, Lauren," Belladona said, scanning her up and down. "Or should I say _Lune_?"

"No," Kieran said, at the exact moment Lauren said, "Half."

Kieran forced a laugh, tossing Lauren a warning glare. "How sweet, darling! Yes, you're my other half. Now go take Kym and Will back inside-"

"Idiot. I'm going to _kill you-_ "

"You can - as long as I don't kill him first," Belladona said, taking a step forward. Sake cocked a gun behind her. "Now, these two-" she gestured towards Kym and Will- "what's their involvement?"

"They're innocent," Lauren said, waving a hand at them. "Let them go back inside. Kieran and I can take care of our own issues."

"Sis, I didn't come out her for nothing," Kym said. "We aren't going anywhere."

"Are you sure, Kym," Will said. "Because I think we should really do what she says."

"Willame, Willame, you're the lieutenant. Stay strong and protect your officers...and...acquaintance," Kym said, eyeing Kieran warily.

Belladona narrowed her eyes at Will, taking a predatory step toward him. "All of your weapons on the ground, now."

"Ma'am, I'm off duty, I don't have-"

"First, no need for formalities. Just call me Belladona." The grin she threw at Will ate at Kym's conscience. "Secondly, my waitress friend informed me that you do indeed have something in your pocket. If not a weapon, then what is it?" _The waitress._ Kym knew she had seemed shady.

Will paled, eyes widening as he reached a hand back to pat his jacket pocket. _Oh no._ "Leave him alone," Kym pleaded, "he was just-"

"Let the man answer for himself."

Slowly, Will drew the knife from his pocket. Realization dawned on Kieran's face, then regret. Kym fought back the urge to drop-kick both of them in front of a passing car.

"You're not an officer at all, are you? Are you with the Scythe? On your own?" Belladona asked, taking a step closer.

"That's a cooking knife," Kym said. "Are you that dense?" Will smiled gratefully at her, his hands shaking ever so slightly.

"No, but he is." Belladona unsheathed her knife. "Scythe associate or not, I'd be doing everyone a favor by getting you out of the way."

"Not me!" Kym rushed to his side, placing a hand on his chest. He glanced down at it in confusion. "I mean, he's the lieutenant! The only reason the office runs properly is him."

"All the more of a reason to get rid of him! And you too, Ladell."

"How do you know my name?"

A smile snaked its way across her face as she twirled her knife. "Harvey."

_Harvey? How did she know Harvey?_ The blade glinted in the sunlight, and Kym caught the shape of a serpent on the hilt in her vision. "Oh- oh crap-"

"How coincidental! My first victim by this blade also knew my soon-to-be second and third-"

"Kieran!" Kym bolted upright, shying away from the dagger. "Take Kieran! He suggested the knife-carrying."

Kieran shot a sideways glance towards Lauren, who still seemed completely horrified. "Actually, that's a good idea. Kill me instead."

"Why-"

"Think about it, Davenport. Without me, you could be the leader's new pet. That's what you've always wanted - right?"

Belladona's lips twitched upward as she considered it. "Well, that's a deal then! I'll kill all three of you."

"No, just me." Kieran said. He turned to Lauren. "I want you to be happy. I'll miss you, darling."

Lauren's eyes glistened in the dimly lit alley, the saddest topaz Kym had ever seen. "No, you won't."

"Of course I will-"

Lauren held her steady gaze, eyes clearing. "No you won't."

Her foot shot out and around, catching Belladona's knees and sweeping her legs out from under her. "You go, Lauren!" Kym yelled, watching as her friend advanced on the fallen assassin. Glaring, Belladona rose on a shaking leg to her feet. Before Kym could cheer for Lauren again, Belladona had her friend on the ground.

"You officers," she said with a dark chuckle. She pressed a foot down onto Lauren's back. Kym's own breath caught. "You think you have so much authority, and yet I'm the one holding the knIFE-"

Her voice hitched as she doubled over in pain. Kym looked down to see the assassin’s leg pierced by a knife, which was held by a shaking hand, which was attached to…

Will, who was covering both his eyes with his other arm. "You're not the only one."

Belladona lunged for Will. Without a second thought, Kym leapt up and decked her. She landed facedown on the pavement with a resounding slam. Kym pinned her to the ground.

"I remember when you did something like that to me in the office," Will recalled proudly.

Kieran stared at them. "You did _what?_ "

Kym ignored him, beaming at Will. "I'm so proud-"

"NO!"

_Lauren. Where is-_

_BANG._

Someone slammed into Kym. Her right side was on fire. The ground scathed her cheek, drawing blood.

_BANG. BANG._ "Kieran, man," Kym said, laughing as she began to sit up. "I thought we were friends! I mean, I did throw you under the bus, but- why’d you push me- hnggg-"

"Kym, get back down," Lauren said softly. "Kieran was just trying to get you out of the way."

"What? Why? There was a gunshot - three, actually - _where's Will?_ " Panic shot up her spine. "Will!"

"I'm right here," he said, kneeling beside her and glancing down. "Oh no-"

"What's 'oh no'?"

"You- Sake shot you-"

Kym glanced down to the crimson pooling at her side. "Oh." She smiled wryly. "Well, I took out Belladona! That's a good way to go."

Lauren clutched Kym to her, examining the wound and brushing her friend's hair away from her face, sweating even in the frigid air. "Kieran, you said-"

The world fell away as Kym felt herself lift up off the ground. Her eyes fell shut, watching the pavement disappear. She felt like she was flying. _No,_ she thought, reaching out, trying to cling to this world.

"Damn, whose muscles are these?" Kym asked, eyes still closed as she patted down her surroundings. "Is this all heaven is? Hot man muscles? Where are the melons?"

"Kym, you're on Kieran's back," Lauren said.

"I wanted to come back as a melon, not a sack of potatoes." _Melon._

"Hey, Lauren seemed to enjoy it," Kieran retorted. _Melon._

"I did not. Please, let's just get Kym to safety-"

"Melon!" Kym's eyelids snapped open. "Where's my Melon?"

"Kym, I'll get you a melon as soon as you're recovered," Will said. Will.

"Melon!" Kym repeated, grinning at him. "Ay, Arry Potta, can Melon Man carry me instead?"

"She's delusional," Kieran muttered. "I thought he was Seed."

"Seeds are nasty!" Kym whacked Kieran heartily. He winced beneath her. "I _love_ melons."

"Stay with me, Kym," Will whispered. "Stay…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KIERAN IS BIG DUMB. Kierannnnn you said you would protect them...
> 
> Well, anyway, hopefully the next update won't take nearly as long XD. Oh, and yes, I lied and initially made DD 2 chapters...I decided to make it 3 in favor of this delicious cliffhanger. Hopefully the next installation will be the end, though.
> 
> The first 3 read as one-shots, so I published them as such, bit these final three parts I think should be read together to make sense ;) in case you were wondering.
> 
> Thank you livbean for beta reading >:D and listening to me scream lol-


	3. Comfortable Car

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kym and Will get some questions answered, Kieran gives Will decent advice for once, and Lauren gets mildly fed up with her three ~~children~~ friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it! I apologize for the wait 😔
> 
> I made it extra fluffy and hopefully funny in an attempt to redeem myself from the crack and angst that I've been dropping lately :))
> 
> THANK YOU LIV FOR BETA READING why are there 50+ comments in this doc

"Is she awake?"

"Relax, Will, that's the third time you've asked that in the past five minutes." His gaze pensive and full of concentration, Kieran brought the tip of the needle to the flame next to him. Will looked away.

"Kieran! Stop being so insensitive; of course he would be worried." Will cast a grateful glance toward Lauren.

The three of them had brought an unconscious Kym back to Kieran's apartment, where he said he would have the materials to take care of her injury. Her hair, the color of a deep ocean rift, spilled over the arm of the couch, where he knew her eyes were lightly closed in a peaceful sleep laced with pain. Lauren perched on a chair next to Kieran as he worked, obstructing Will's view of Kym's face as she lightly stroked her friend's hair. He didn't bother trying to pretend not to notice the anxious hand that continually left Kym's hair to delve into Kieran's arm. The mysterious archivist - and, notably, assassin - worked diligently to cleanse the wound, which he had assured Will was merely a scrape, and eventually began to suture up a particularly deep section. Will looked toward the wall to avoid another outburst of questions. He began to pace involuntarily, the sound of his pulse filling his skull.

Kieran cursed under his breath.

Will started toward the sofa. "What? What happened? What did you do?" 

"At ease, Lieutenant." Kieran backed up an inch, turning slightly, his free hand raised in innocence. "I've done nothing to harm your precious sergeant - this part is bleeding again."

Will reached for a bandage and a cloth. "Let me help, here-"

"Lieutenant," Kieran growled.

Lauren reached up a hand to take Kieran by the jaw and turn his face back toward her injured friend. "Focus. Here, Will, take my seat."

He nearly jumped at the chance, stepping forward. Catching a glimpse of Lauren's hand, still hovering over Kym's face, he balked. "It's okay if you want to stay with her, she _is_ your friend, after all-"

Lauren raised an eyebrow, standing from her seat and gesturing for him to take it. "She is your girlfriend...is she not?"

Will gulped upon seeing her narrowed, knowing eyes. Nodding, he sat down, eyeing Kym's porcelain face with hesitance.

" _I love melons,_ " she had said - directly after calling him a melon. He smiled fondly, brushing a strand of hair from her face as Lauren had. Then he scolded himself. _Why on earth would you think about her pet names for you when she's so terribly injured?_

He closed his shaky hand around her limp one, squeezing it lightly. Closing his eyes, he tried to forget where he was and why he was there.

"Miss me... much?"

His eyes snapped open in relief to see Kym's shut tightly, her forehead screwed up in pain. Even so, she smiled up at him. "Guess not."

"I did," he muttered, dropping her hand sheepishly. She took his back almost immediately, seizing his fingers and his heart.

"Relax," he said, brushing his thumb over her knuckles. "Kieran is giving you stitches."

"You say that...as if...as if I don't know...idiot…" As her sentences grew longer, her words halted at their exit.

His face fell at her pain. "I'll bring you some watermelon when you're done."

"Will...did you perhaps...incur...a head injury?" she asked, opening her eyes and furrowing her brow. "The dutiful lieutenant I know...would never...give in to his...biggest headache's...addiction."

_But William Hawkes would,_ he replied in his head, _because he loves…_

Choosing not to complete that thought, he ignored her in the politest way possible and fixed his attention on Kieran's hands as they cleaned the needle instead. _Finished already?_

Now without Kieran's needle tangled in her abdomen, her speech became more coherent, still slow but not as strained. "Maybe you should have become a medic instead of...of…" Kym stared at the ceiling. "How much of today was real?"

Kieran and Lauren exchanged a look.

*****

"So let me get this straight," Kym said, rubbing her hands together fervidly. Her usual spunk had all but returned completely, as she had perked up significantly since hearing Lune's full story and the events of the day. "You literally just shot towards Davenport and Sake in the alley and left them to blab?" Lauren nodded miserably.

"I could have killed them," Kieran said bitterly, wringing his hands.

Will eyed him warily. "I'm sure."

"Aren't they going to go inform the Scythe of your identity, though?" Kym asked.

"No, Belladona knows that if she talks, I'll tell the Scythe about her feelings for a certain associate who is no longer with us," Kieran said gleefully. Kym raised an eyebrow.

"Plus we have enough evidence against the both of them to be able to put them behind bars for good!" Lauren crossed her arms proudly.

"And as for Lune - you two met that night and Kieran made his offer, and then you met on the bridge and made your deal, and you've been taking down criminals together ever since?"

Lauren twisted her lips, nodding. "Add in a couple bumps in the road, and yes." Her expression darkened. "And one whole car crash."

"I can't even tell what's a metaphor anymore," Will said with a sigh, shaking his head morosely. Kym smacked his shoulder.

"What the lieutenant means to say is how on earth could you keep all of this from us?"

Lauren groaned. "You have no idea how much I wanted to tell you the truth - and once, I came so close. But I couldn't put you in danger."

"And you guys broke off the deal for a while - was it because of the tower incident?"

Both Lauren and Kieran looked askance, suddenly unable to make eye contact. "We both said some things we shouldn't have," Lauren said. Her gaze flitted to his. "I'm sorry."

He laughed ruefully. "I'm sorry, again. I'll never stop apologizing."

"You better. You're paining me physically-"

"You mean you people didn't even apologize until now?" Will asked, astonished. "How dysfunctional."

"You're one to talk," Kieran scoffed, shifting his glance between Will and the sergeant who had whacked him into the alley.

"I think I'm losing brain cells from this conversation," Kym noted from her position lying on the sofa. Lauren jumped into action.

"Let's get you upright and functioning, and then we can continue this conversation elsewhere."

"Alrighty." Kym sat up, covering her wound with her shirt again. Deep crimson bloomed across her blouse.

Will recoiled in horror. "You're drenched in blood. Maybe we should just head home-"

"Here, borrow one of my shirts," Lauren said, whipping a white dress shirt out from behind her. "This conversation has waited long enough."

"Keeping clothes at Kieran's place? You aren't very subtle at all, milady," Kym said, smirking as she took the shirt from her friend.

"This isn't my first injury on a mission, Kym. I brought one with me just in case everything went downhill."

"Don't worry about it next time, darling," Kieran said, fumbling with his medic kit. "You can always borrow another shirt from me."

"Would you shut your mouth for once?" Lauren spat, glaring at him.

"Mm, you won't be saying that after we leave, Lauren," Kym said haughtily. "Don't lie - I bet you like tongue-"

"Don't think you're off the hook just because you're injured." 

Lauren tore the shirt out of Kym's hands, tossing it to Will instead. He shut his dropped jaw, raising an eyebrow in confusion. "What am I supposed to do with this?"

"You're her boyfriend, right?" Lauren asked with a smirk. "Kieran and I will leave the room. You help Kym change."

"What?" A flash of a blush flitted across his cheeks, quickly quelled by the blood draining from his face. "You want me to-"

Lauren heaved a sigh, taking the shirt back. "Just as I thought. Kieran, take Will to the kitchen. I'll help Kym."

Kieran whistled, beckoning to Will. "Damn," he said, throwing a glance back at the flustered lieutenant. "You really just-"

"Quiet-"

"Did I teach you nothing?" he asked indignantly, slapping his hand on the table.

"Yes," Will replied, running his fingers through his messy golden crown of hair.

"You aren't really dating, are you?"

Will sputtered, backing up in defense. "I- we- wait, why should I answer you? Who am I to take relationship advice from you - _Purple Hyacinth?_ "

Kieran sighed. "I don't know."

"How does Lauren like you?"

"Gee, thanks."

"No! That's not what I meant." Will's last goal was to anger Kieran. "I mean, you're an assassin, have completely the reverse moral compass of her, and she loves you. I am a respectable, law-abiding lieutenant, and Kym couldn't care less!"

"Ironic, isn't it?" Kieran chuckled, leaning against the wall. "Well, for one, Lauren and my morals are more similar than you'd think. And for two, what makes you so sure she doesn't like you?"

"She wanted to forget we ever kissed!"

"That's because it was fake!" Kieran said, slamming his hand on the wall next to Will. He jumped. "You have to be intentional. You saw me being intentional with Lauren - it was crystal clear to her that I liked her."

"Riiiiiiight..."

"Shut up. You know what I mean - I mean, at least I told her I loved her! Eventually. Kym was probably embarrassed and thought you were faking the whole thing!"

"But I'm embarrassed! I just went on and kissed her! The whole situation is entirely uncomfortable."

"Well, if you love her enough," Kieran said, gesticulating grandly, "then you have to show it by stepping out of your comfort zone."

Will opened his mouth to say something, but was silenced by the ladies' sudden presence at the door. Leading Kym into the room, Lauren glanced between him and Kieran with a fiery suspicion behind her eyes. Shutting his mouth, Will gulped.

"Take a seat," Kieran said amicably. Lauren helped Kym onto a stool at the island and then slid onto the counter with ease, as if already at home. Kym chuckled hoarsely.

"My friend, it's almost as though that isn't the first time you've done that," she said with a sly grin. 

Lauren stared daggers at her. "It isn't," she said, clenching her jaw.

"But last time, I was the one who had to set you on the counter," Kieran piped up.

Kym lifted her head in interest, clapping slowly. "The established subordinate takes the lead, I see, I see-"

"He was _stitching up my arm-_ "

"Yeah, I bet he took great care of you-"

"I did!" Kieran said proudly, leaning back with his arms folded. "I washed her bloody clothes, I lent her a shirt, I let her sleep in my bed-"

Kym squealed. "I knew it!"

"It wasn't like that at all!" Lauren yelled over both of them.

Will cocked an eyebrow at the three of them. "Lauren, why sit on the countertop instead of…" A wave of realization struck him mid-sentence. "Oh. Oh! That list," he said, snapping a finger at a paling Kieran. "It said-"

Kym smirked at him mercilessly as Will's face reddened in embarrassment.

"You all are confusing me greatly," Lauren said, glaring at the trio. "What was on the list?"

"Nothing," Kieran and Will simultaneously rushed to say. Kieran shot Will a grateful glance, which he intercepted with grace.

However, as the attention fell back on Kym, Will couldn't help but also perceive how Kieran looked wistfully across the room at Lauren seated there, eyeing her prim posture. Blushing, he looked away, feeling the sudden urge to leave with Kym and let the two of them be. If his childhood friend was about to get funky with some assassin, he did not want to be there to witness it.

Again.

But they needed answers.

"Ask either of us anything, and we will answer," Lauren said sternly, fidgeting with her sleeve. Kieran nodded.

Will bit his lip, afraid to ask anything for fear it would be too personal - or have an answer that he didn't want to hear. Turning to Kym, he gently rested a hand on her shoulder. "Ladies first."

"Oh, good." She glanced from Lauren to Kieran, then back again. "Does Kieran snore?"

"This is not a joke," Will hissed. Kym grinned up at him cheekily. His stomach fluttered.

"I wouldn't know," Lauren replied, raising an eyebrow toward Kieran in amusement. "He didn't sleep at all while I was here."

"Hot damn!"

Lauren stared at her for a moment, dropping her head into her hands. "I walked into that one."

"Yes ma'am," Kym crowed, turning eyes shining with tears of laughter on Will. He refused to return the same amusement. "Aw look, he's blushing now! We're making him uncomfortable."

"No you aren't." Crossing his arms across his vest, he turned away from her. Kieran winked.

Will willed a lightning storm to manifest over their heads and strike Kieran six feet under.

Kym settled her chin in her palm, her copper eyes still sparkling. "Anyway, you guys are cute. When did you realize your feelings for each other?"

"Kym, I had really intended for you to be asking Lune related questions so you can trust us, not whatever this is-"

"When we interrogated McTrevor, it hit me," Kieran said thoughtfully, a fond smile crossing his face. Lauren turned to him. "Of course, maybe it was just that book-"

"It didn't even hit you, idiot!" Lauren cackled, bringing a hard-covered cookbook down on Kieran's head out of nowhere.

"I rest my case, officer." He rubbed his scalp, flicking her forehead with his other hand. "What about you?"

"I think it's about time we answer some _actual_ questions, so I'm handing the floor over to Will."

Kym handed Will a zucchini. "What am I supposed to do with this?" he asked.

"It's the microphone, idiot. State your case."

"She must have hit her head," Will said decisively, glaring at Kieran. He shrugged.

"I'm fine," Kym snapped, shoving the zucchini further into Will's hands. "Speak."

"How do we know we can trust you?" he asked, looking at both of them. 

"I trust him," Lauren started, tugging at her collar, "so you just have to trust me."

"But, Lauren, he kills people for a living."

Kym squared her shoulders, gaze serious for the first time since she had entered the room. "How did you come to terms with that in making your deal? Can we trust you, or have your morals been...compromised?"

Lauren gulped. "He only kills when ordered to."

"Or if it's the only solution," Kieran added, running a hand along the countertop nervously.

"Do you happen to have an example?" Will asked. He really couldn't see when killing someone was truly the only solution.

"As a matter of fact, yes." Both Kym and Will leaned forward eagerly, twin pictures of wanting to see the good where there didn't appear to be any. "We were fighting off Lady Grayson's henchmen, and one of them had Lauren cornered and was within seconds of killing her, so I killed him."

Kym sighed. "That's so romantic. Tell me, Will, would you kill someone to save my life?"

"No," he said sharply. Lauren's knowing gaze burned into his side as Kym's face fell. "I'm kidding, I have to protect my officers at all costs."

Lauren set her lips in a thin line. Will eyed her warily.

"There's something else I need to know." Kym tore the zucchini out of Will's hands, speaking into it like a reporter. "What you said about the hyacinths...was it true?" Kym asked, tilting her head in earnest and gazing at Lauren. She rested her chin on her folded hands. _Why am I watching her every move-_

"I- the hyacinths?" Kieran stammered, glancing toward Lauren. "What did you say?"

"I'm not sure I remember the conversation," Lauren said, her brow furrowed. She gripped the edge of the counter, and Will could see her knuckles paling even from where he stood.

"You know, right after you had your first encounter with...him." Kym tipped her head toward the assassin in question. "You proposed the flowers could be apologies."

Kieran whipped his head toward Lauren, hair falling from his already decimated bun. Parting his lips to say something, he gulped and waited. "You were shot down right away," Kym prompted her.

"Yeah, I remember." Lauren examined her fingernails, massaging her tightly wound knuckles sheepishly. "I guess it was just another one of my theories-"

"How?" Kieran asked, seemingly bewildered.

"Let's just say...I've acquired some flower knowledge over the years." Lauren winced, shrinking back against the tile. "Sorry, that's why I had pressed it before, but now I guess I know-"

"You understand." He started towards her. "Lauren, you are the first person who has _ever_ understood me." Cupping her face, he leaned into her.

Will's gaze flashed over to Kym, who had propped her head up on her fists and was leaning against the kitchen island watching the two of them dreamily, as though they were starring in a Hallmark romcom. Coughing, he avoided looking at any of them and instead focused on the floor.

"This is all very touching, but could we get back to the whole how-can-we-trust-you and why-shouldn't-we-turn-you-in thing?"

"Will!" Kym gaped at him, clearly horrified. Pressing his lips together, he didn't move to take back his words. "You cockblock!"

"I didn't stop them the last time," he mumbled. "Wouldn't want to witness this again."

"Again?" Kym screeched. It was Kieran and Lauren's turn to regard him with horror. "As in, I'm the only one who hasn't seen them kiss?"

"Relax, it's literally just us-"

"Do it now!" Kym pointed at them, brows angled in a frown resembling a child's temper tantrum.

Kieran sighed, planting a kiss on Lauren's temple. "There. Happy?"

"Don't tell me you're the type to get _shy_ , Tighty Whitey." Realization dawned on Kym's face, and she burst out laughing. "Tighty Whitey! What an amazing-ow." She clutched at her side, twisting in pain. "Oops...forgot."

_No._ Will darted over, examining her side. "Are you okay? Do you need a new bandage? Did you pop a stitch?"

"Oh my stars! My eyes!" Kieran yelped. "I simply can't bear to watch this public display of oW!" He pivoted to glare at Lauren as she removed her elbow from where it was lodged in his ribcage. "Abusive today, are we, darling?" Lauren huffed.

"So you regret it all?" Kym asked.

"Yes."

"And there's no chance you'll kill Lauren?"

Kieran halted, staring into Lauren's somber eyes. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I'd sooner die."

"Kieran…"

"Great!" Kym said, clapping her hands together. "I suppose then I don't need to tell you, but I will anyway. If you slip up, I'll-"

"Try breaking my kneecaps with that injury," Kieran scoffed. Will rolled up his sleeves. "Sorry, sorry, I was kidding. And of course you would send Will to beat me up, and I would gladly let any of you beat me up if I did something wrong."

"I think he needs a therapist," Will said, tapping his shoe against the kitchen tile. "He seems mentally unstable."

"I'm not concerned, Willame. You're observing a professional simp in action."

"Take notes," Kieran said with a smirk.

"Cocky much?" Lauren fired at him.

"Would I rather be the biggest simp in Ardhalis or the most dreaded assassin in Ardhalis?" he asked the air. "I think it's quite an easy question. Besides, I'm kidding - Will is already plenty a simp on his own."

"What do you mean?" Will asked indignantly.

Kieran smirked, his voice pitchy. "Oh, Kym could step on me and I'd thank her-"

"Stop flirting with her! Lauren-"

"I was impersonating you," Kieran said blankly, cutting him off.

"I do not sound like that-"

"Boys!" Lauren yelled. "Please. I have some things I want to ask as well, and it's already very late."

"Sorry, Lauren, are we getting in the way of your plans?" Kym asked, gesturing obscenely at Lauren. Without thinking, Will took both of her offensive hands and folded them, clasping them under the table.

"Like I said, Kym, not off the hook," Lauren said, holding out her hand for emphasis. Kieran plopped the zucchini into her open palm. Curling her fingers around it calmly, she wielded it like a microphone. "Kym, Will," she said curtly, "why were you spying on us?"

"We weren't!" Kym protested. Lauren stared her down pointedly. "There's really no point, is there? We suspected you were Lune."

"Why did you want to know so badly?"

"Hermann asked us to find Lune for him."

"Oh no," Lauren said, cradling her forehead in her free palm. "Please don't turn me in."

"We won't," Will said decisively. All three of them turned to look at him in shock. "I believe that you are doing a great service for us by finding all of this evidence. Sure, your methods might be illegal, but…" he glanced between them, "you're doing more good than harm. And I could never turn you in."

"Aw, thanks buddy," Kieran said with a grin.

"Not you." Will flashed him a glare. "The second Lauren doesn't like you anymore, I'm throwing you behind bars."

"You say that as if I only love him temporarily," Lauren remarked, leaning against Kieran's shoulder. "I don't plan on stopping liking him any time soon. I'm sure you know the feeling."

"Yes," Will said, without hesitation.

Lauren narrowed her eyes. "For the last time, are you two dating?"

Kym and Will shared a glance, contemplating. "I've never been more in love," Kym began jokingly, swatting Will's arm. Lauren's mouth opened, then closed again. "Isn't that right, _sweetie?_ "

Will froze, shoulders sinking. "We aren't dating. It was a cover."

"Glad we got that...cleared up?" Lauren phrased it like a question, eyeing Will. _What?_ he mouthed. She ignored him. "That's all for me." Dropping the zucchini, she leapt off the counter.

"No further questions," Kym said, looking at the floor. "We won't report you."

Lauren embraced her. "Thank you."

"Drive safely," Kieran said, clapping Will on the back.

"No more car crashes," Will ordered firmly. Kieran nodded, understanding immediately.

Lauren strode over to where Will stood, pulling him into a hug. "Get Kym home safely, okay?" she said, lowering her voice to a whisper. "She didn't lie."

Will pulled away from Lauren to look her in the eyes, astonished. She lowered her gaze, stepping back towards Kieran.

"Change the bandage twice a day, plus ice and use pain medication if necessary," Kieran told Kym. She nodded. "What we gave you when we arrived here is probably wearing off soon."

"Aye-aye," she said with a salute. Lauren gave them a relieved smile. Will remained silent. "Have a good night, you two."

"G'night!"

As Will passed through the door to the apartment, he could just make out Kieran's voice. "Darling, why is there a 'handle with care' sticker on your back?"

Kym burst out laughing. Grinning stupidly, Will draped his arm around her, helping her doubled-over form to the car.

*****

Will opened the car door for her. Kym took a seat, narrowing her eyes in joking menace. "If you call me darling again-"

"I heard you the first time," he replied through gritted teeth bared in a fake grin.

"Clearly not, because in the alley-"

"I was just repeating what Kieran said!"

"So original." Will slammed the car door after Kym, turning to wave amicably at the apartment as Kieran and Lauren watched after them from the porch. "Hey! Did you check for my fingers before slamming that door, Hawkes?"

Once Lauren and Kieran had disappeared back inside the building, Will whipped around to glare at her. "If only they had been there," he shot back through the glass.

Simpering, Kym reached across the center console and locked his door.

"Hey!" He stomped around to the other side of the car, jolting the door handle. "This is my car, you insolent piece of-"

"Watermelon! Where is the promised fruit?" she crowed, clapping her hands eagerly.

He sighed, shaking his head and pocketing his hands. "Good to see you've recovered so quickly. It's getting cold out here; let me in, now."

"Melon. Now."

"So demanding." He chuckled, taking a step backwards. "Your Melon is right here, Sergeant."

Heat singed her cheekbones, and she could tell but the way his coloring mirrored hers that he regretted that statement immediately. Taking pity on him, she relented and began to lean over to unlock the door.

Unfortunately, he had already opened the back door to crawl through.

Feigning apathy, Kym snapped back over to her side of the car. Fire shot through her side again. "Ack," she muttered, wincing.

"Are you okay? What hurts? Is it bleeding again?" Will asked hurriedly, throwing his upper body into the front of the car. He reached for her side, but pulled his hand back far before he could touch her. "Are you alright?" he repeated.

Kym rolled her eyes, a slight tingle developing in her stomach from his sudden concern and proximity. "What's it to you, Will? Planning on kissing it to make it better?" She cringed as he turned away in embarrassment. That was the worst possible thing she could have said.

Now she undeniably knew what he was imagining - because she was too.

He hoisted himself the rest of the way into the driver's seat, settling his hands on the steering wheel and turning the ignition. Warmer air began to flood the car instantly, much to the relief of the detective duo. For some reason, Kym found herself wanting to sit there just a bit longer. "It's been a crazy couple of days, hasn't it?" she started, leaning her head against the window.

He sat back, dropping his hands from the wheel. "Yeah," he said, in a near daze. She followed his vision to a couple of people walking down the street.

"We learned a lot about Lauren and Kieran." _And myself,_ she added in her head. "How does it feel?"

"Uncomfortable," he admitted, tensing his jaw.

Kym laughed. "You know, that was your general vibe for most of the past few days."

"Some of the most uncomfortable days of my life, in fact," Will said with a chuckle.

Kym bit her lip. Was it a coincidence that his most uncomfortable days were also the ones when they were pretending to date? "I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable." She rested her cheek in her hand, leaning against the door of the car.

"Oh, it wasn't just you-"

"But in the alley, in the cafe, in the apartment...in the closet…" Kym trailed off, tapping her foot in an ellipsis of her sentence. She mentally kicked herself. _Why did I have to go there?_

"I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable in the closet," he said, glancing down at his lap. Kym cocked her head in confusion. "When I...you know…"

"Oh-" Kym cut him off, blushing slightly. "Yeah. No. Don't worry about it." It took her a moment to realize that they were in the exact same position as before: sitting in the car, noticeably close together, arms brushing each other on the console, accompanied by Kym's urge to kiss his annoyingly stern, handsome face again.

_Wait- handsome? Really?_

She glanced over at his downcast eyes of sapphire and decided to take a leap of faith.

"That...that was actually pretty comfortable."

"What?" He turned his head quickly, eyebrows raised, golden curls bobbing against his forehead. "You… _what?_ "

She blushed furiously. "Forget I said it-"

"No." He leaned into his palm, slicing her heart open with his gaze. "It was admittedly the most comfortable I've felt in a while."

"Except for the whole, you know, Kieran intruding thing," Kym laughed.

"Yes," he started, fiddling with his tie absentmindedly. It hung limply around his neck. "But I probably wouldn't have done it if he hadn't."

"Oh." Kym covered her crestfallen, slightly pink face. "I see." _Of course. The cover._ She turned away from him, facing the apartment again. Kieran and Lauren were long gone, as she and Will should have been. She really wished she hadn't struck up this conversation-

His hand locked around the wrist covering her face, pulling it away. She turned, blue locks caressing her collarbone, catching but a glimpse of his determined matching eyes before they snapped shut. "I wouldn't have had the guts to," he whispered.

Before she could respond, he captured her lips in his, gently this time, savoring her touch. It was so unlike the last time, which had been in rushed hysteria. Kym smiled into him, blissfully returning the kiss. She turned slightly to meet him.

"Ow," she muttered against his lips, pain seeping into her torso again. He pulled away instantly, brows knit in concern.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked, combing a hand through her hair. Her breath caught as he placed his hand below her injury, careful to avoid her actual wound.

"The opposite," she said, tipping her head down to peer at her side. The shirt she had borrowed remained a crisp white, devoid of any blood. "See? I'm good."

Will sat back in his seat, returning his hands to the steering wheel. "I need to get you home-"

"William Hawkes!" Kym exclaimed, laughter spilling from her voice. "Are you stupid?" Closing her hand around his suspender, she yanked him toward her, earning a yelp from him.

"I still have my seatbelt on!"

"Details," she muttered, "and I guess that was a pretty obvious question on my part."

"Hey-"

She silenced him with another kiss, using her other hand to free him of his seatbelt. "Kiss me senseless, idiot. Make me forget about my stupid injury - you're the only pain in my side that I want." Ignoring her candid insult, he melted into her. Her back pressed against the car door, and he was kissing her forehead, the apples of her cheeks, the tip of her nose-

He leaned back. "What about - you wanted watermelon-"

"I want you," Kym replied, tapping her forefinger against his nose. They shared a smile.

*****

Lauren and Kieran strolled towards his car in silence. As she gazed upon the darkened street, Lauren realized that Will's car was still idling at the curb. She nudged Kieran, just able to see one silhouette in the passenger seat.

Oh.

Make that _two_ silhouettes - in the passenger seat.

Glancing at the car, Kieran halted midstep. "Oh." A smattering of pink tinged his cheeks as he tore his unsuspecting gaze away from the car in question. "Why does this feel like déjà vu?"

Lauren smirked at his slight embarrassment, so different from when they had first caught Kym and Will in the midst of a _passionate_ rendezvous. The only difference, she supposed, was that this kiss was real, not intended to be seen.

And, of course, the fact that the terms of her and Kieran's own relationship were now altered.

She wrapped her pale hands around Kieran's bicep, examining what little of his face she could see. "So," she began, "I'm more of a woman than Belladona, hm? By the way, that was pretty stupid, subordinate."

Laughing, he took her hand, intertwining it with his and tucking their clasped hands into his coat pocket. A contented smile graced Lauren's face. "She has nothing on you, darling."

"Is that so?"

"I've never met anyone like you before."

"Aren't we getting sappy," Lauren drawled, grateful for the cold to excuse her blush.

He ran a tired hand through his hair, combing back the stray strands tumbling wayward down his forehead. With a glance back at Will's car, then back to her, Kieran withdrew his key ring from his other pocket. He smirked. Her stomach fluttered in the way he looked at her, eyebrow raised in question, mouth curling upward.

"Care for a ride home?" he asked, twirling his keys around his pointer finger. Lauren nodded involuntarily.

They exchanged a grin, an unspoken assurance. "Yes, let's go," Lauren said, trying to mask her bordering-on-devilish smile with her hand. "It's getting a _bit_ uncomfortable here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The cookbook that Lauren whacked Kieran with? It was Paula Deen
> 
> I KID, I KID
> 
> Anyway thank you guys for leaving kudos and lovely comments :') they make my day, and I'm glad to see you enjoy my antics. I may write an epilogue, idk yet, but if I do I'll add it as a one-shot like the first three parts to the series. But anyway, thank you so much for reading! ❤️❤️
> 
> I'm working on that drabble collection with Liv kind of hit-and-miss, but also have a very fluffy multichapter au in the works ;)) with a little luck, the updates will be less sporadic because I have already written approximately half of it and actually know where it is going.
> 
> And of course, I can always come up with some (cursed) one-shot to write and post in the same 5-hour window ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ
> 
> So stay tuned ;> sending much, much love to you

**Author's Note:**

> Yellow primroses - symbolize new love and the giver's inability to live without the recipient ಥ‿ಥ and no, Will did not forget.
> 
> Dark pink carnations - symbolize "blooming love" on a first date. Yay!
> 
> 2 things about season 2:  
> 1.) Phew. I don't fp but I'm dead after ep 50.  
> 2.) In case anyone was wondering (you probably weren't though) - I am indeed the Lola who played "From the Start" on viola for the season recap. Soph had asked me if I would help her record a track a while ago and I said yes, but I didn't know it was actually going to happen until the night before :D I hope it sounded good, despite the ungodly hour at which it was recorded.
> 
> That is my dumb excuse for not posting this before the s2 release :'D


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